Poems for Julian

So I found some poems that I am going to pretty up and print out for Julian’s NICU scrap book that I will be making and putting together.  Seeing that he is our little miracle child, I thought these poems would be perfect for the scrap book.  

My Dear Child

You are the poem


I dreamed of writing


the masterpiece


I longed to paint.


You are the shining star


I reached for

In my
ever hopeful quest


for life fulfilled..

You are my child.


Now with all things


I am blessed.

 

 

My precious little baby
I have loved you from the start.


You are a tiny miracle 
laying closely to my heart.


Each day I feel your presence,
each day you quickly grow.


Each day your heart beats softly,
as only I could know.


So I’ll keep this in a special place,
and remember each year through,


of this very special time of life,
the months I carried you.

 

 

You were born with wings

wrapped translucent

around your naked skin

waiting to unfurl-

to fly away

though we ached to have you stay.

 

You were born with wings

so we tethered you with tubes

IV’s and ventilators

NG tubes and oxygen

labwork and broviacs

surgeries and suctioning

and finally blood…

so much blood.

 

You were born with wings

and we tried to tear them off

watching in horror

the times they opened wide-

holding tiny hands

as though we held your soul

sitting at your side.

 

You were born with wings

but at last you grew strong

and when your wings slipped off,

they whispered to the ground

lost

in a pile of cloudy x-rays,

and we found

it wasn’t lines that kept you,

but the hand of God himself.

 

-Elisabeth Snell, wife of Cliff Snell III,

mom of Harbor, ECMO baby

 

I think the last one especially touches my heart.  It was actually written by another mom who had her baby on ECMO.  For those of you who do not know what ECMO is, it stands for Extracorpeal Membrane Oxygenation.  Here is a picture of what the machine looks like that Julian was on.  

and here is Julian on ECMO when he was only a few days old.

There were two tubes that were surgically put into his neck that went into his heart and his lungs.  This machine gave life to Julian’s body, and helped him gain strength.  Julian had several blood transfusions, and a number of other procedures and was put on several medications.  There are many dangers when a baby is put onto this machine.  It was the final resort to save Julian’s life.  I honestly can’t even remember every little specific thing that he went through, because it was all so much.  Too much to handle at the time.  I remember all of the other NICU babies had to be moved far away form Julian because he had pneumonia.  My poor baby was completely isolated from everyone and everything, except for the nurses and doctors.  We were lucky enough to have been able to stay at the hospital where he was and then close by so that we could see him everyday and help him fight through this. It is still very hard to talk about this experience, as a lot of it was so much at once for us both.  Here we were having our first child together, more excited than we ever have been before, and he became so sick so fast.  Not holding my son for an entire week felt like an eternity.  That first time I touched him though, was truly amazing.  

And just to update everyone: Julian is a miracle.  He is 5 months old and is doing WONDERFUL.  No side effects from the ECMO machine as of yet, and hopefully none to come.  He is my hero, and is so inspiring in every way!

Even when he was in pain and was going through hardships, he still had a smile on his face 🙂  My little fighter.